NC Mountain Talk

The world’s going to flood, they say.  I don’t know if I buy it, but I’ve hopped on the green bandwagon anyway.  You should hop on too.  It’s easy.  Below I’ve written seven changes that you can make to your life without any great discomfort so that you too can stop the water from rising.  Ready?  (Al Gore is going to play the banjo for background music.)  

-Line your mouth with biodegradable napkins.  That way all of the leftover food particles will be saved, and you can pull them out, wrap them up, and save them for later without having to use plastic or Tupperware (or floss).  

-Recycle non-recyclable items.  I threw a portable radio in with my aluminum cans for the pickup last week.  I’m sure the garbage guys will thank me next week.  No need, guys.  Just doing my part.  

-Always keep a bike on top of your car.  I never ride the things, but this way I at least know that if my Hemi were to run clean out of gas, I could bike to get some more.  

-Shorten words.  The less you talk the less pollution into the air.  For example, instead of saying, “that basketball championship was incredible,” say, “that basky champ was incred.”

-Save the grass you cut.  I’ve already managed to make two t-shirts, one flip-flop, a parka, a belt, and a hoop earring from my cut grass.  

-Run places.  When you arrive, yell, “I’ve saved you time; you’ll thank me later.”  I love doing that into church or drive up windows.     

-Last.  Wash your clothes and dishes together.  And don’t feel bad about using the dryer.  Who ever thought of hanging saucepans on the clothesline?  How ridiculous (do, though, remember to clean the lint filter).  

These are desperate times, but we don’t need desperate efforts.  Just small changes here and there and splash!  The world is saved. 

You’re welcome, world.     

-Frank A. Henry

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